Monday, April 30, 2007

Kurt Cobain's Stuff

Courtney Love has announced she's selling a bunch of Kurt Cobain's belongings through Christie's auction house.

The Fangirl part of me would love to have something. The woman who heard Smells like Teen Spirit for the first time on KNDD, and my breath caught. The one who didn't realize until a lot later it was the same band who did that strange but interesting remake of Love Buzz.

Even though I was older than his average fan, I totally got Nirvana. He spoke to that geeky, fat, zit-faced girl who never thought she would ever have a boyfriend. The girl who wore the same pair of jeans for six months once - jeans with a plaid fake-fur patch on the knee.

Not because I didn't have other jeans, but I was making a statement. Don't ask me what the statement was, but it was a statement.

The high-school girl who wanted to live in Seattle, and have cats, and go to foreign films and dress only in clothing from Baby & Co. and Goodwill.

That was the girl inside the woman who heard Nirvana and knew that whoever wrote the songs understood what it was like to be an outsider. To not fit in with any group, and who was both conflicted and happy about it.

I actually knew Kurt was a junkie before it was common knowledge to the entire world. I worked with someone who was a 'greener, and still had ties to that community. ('greener refers to someone who attended Evergreen College, the alternative collage in Olympia.) We talked about going to a show - she thought we might even be able to get backstage on her friend's coattails. She warned me that Krist was pretty wild and drank a lot, and that Kurt was into heroin.

I didn't care, because it was the music I cared about, not him. Yeah, I thought he was awesome. It would have been cool to meet him, even though he wouldn't have had much interest in me. But it was his talent, and his words, and the music that spoke to me, not him, personally. Drugs - well drugs are only one part of who a person is. I might not like the drugs, but that doesn't mean the person doesn't have value.

My co-worker got engaged to a super-straight guy, and I felt strange about going to a show with kids ten years younger than me. I regret not going to see them live.

TS called me at work to tell me when he died. I knew it was coming - I don't know why, but I knew it was only a matter of time at that point. I was upset. It was probably the only time I cried when a real life person I didn't know died.

I don't know what would have happened if he'd lived. Cleaned up, become someone who helped knew and unknown bands get known. I don't know. Burned out and faded away...maybe. Stayed a junkie and pulled his wife down with him...I don't know, she seems pretty strong for that to have happened.

All I know was that his music captured something for me. Something that encapsulated a time, and a place, and the longing for something different.

So, the FANGIRL wonders what it would be like to own something of his.

I have my own Fender Mustang now. A sonic blue repro. I like it. I didn't buy it because of Kurt, I bought it because I liked it, and it made me smile to find out he once played them too. I can play a couple of Nirvana songs, as long as I stay away from F, and B. I like to plug in my amp, and crank up the sound, and I don't care if I suck, it just feels good to play. Sometimes I even write my own songs.

So, maybe I really don't need a "thing" to remind me of him. He already gave me the most important thing, his music.

Sunday, April 29, 2007

Tarot and Other Stuff and 47 Things about Me.

I bought too much stuff Friday.

I bought The Far Sight Tarot, and the Quantum Tarot.

Then I bought make up, Bare Escentuals, a mineral make-up a bunch of people at work use. It's one of those 5 minute make-up things - and anything that takes me 5 minutes is a good thing. I like sleep. But they have lots of cool stuff, so I got the starter kit, and an extra kit that had a few more colors in it for eyes. If I like it, I might buy the beyond the basics kit, and the eye kit.

I can't decide why I have the sudden urge to spend money. I also bought a bunch of clothes this month. Maybe I am trying to fill the hole that Magic left in my life with "stuff?" I tend to not be a big stuff-buyer. Then again, I am really into tarot, and I am into clothes, and I want to start wearing make-up again. So, it's a combination of all those things, I suppose.

Tonight the natives are restless. There are squealing car tires all over, and I can hear someones stereo blaring. I miss the days when we were surrounded by fields on three sides, the fourth side is our gravel road, with one row of houses on one side. I miss the days when horses used to get loose and come galloping down into our field. Not the time we had the perk holes going, but the other times. I miss not having to call the cops at least once a month because something is going on.

I don't really have a topic, I just feel like writing.

The lottery is up to 69 million dollars. That would be enough money. (See previous posts on what I'd do if I won the lottery, LOL.) Enough money to only work if I wanted to. Enough so we could buy my condo in the French Quarter, and TS's house in Hawaii. Maybe even a cabin on a lake in Alaska.

I'm working with the Templar tarot this week. It's kind of weird and creepy. I like it, even though I find images of angels that run through out it kind of uncomfortable. Still, it's no light fluffy-bunny deck. But the angels bug me.

Being raised in an anti-religious family. I just don't get the whole church thing. Or the Bible. Especially the Old Testament. Never been able to get past Leviticus. I keep thinking I should read it again, just because you should read it before you die, and all that, but - ugh. So bloody. So disgusting. I like some of the New Testament IDEAS, but most people who say they are religious use the Bible to judge people instead. And twist it to what they want it to say. Yuck.
Back to Tarot. A non-religious subject. Maybe I should post my tarot reviews on my own blog, just because I can. I don't know. Maybe I should have yet another blog, the tarot blog...no, too much. I can just post it here, I guess, if I feel like it. Tarot is a lot of things to me. A lot of people don't get it; but that's okay. Not my problem, at least not yet.

See this is the really RANDOM part of VG Randomized. It's kind of the way I think, but honestly, my mind is going about a million miles faster than my fingers can type.

I can feel a cold breeze, and I wonder where it's coming from. Probably from the floor, somehow. I am hoping Tink didn't go down under the floor. Sigh. I will be glad when it's all fixed.

TS is in the hot tub. I didn't feel like getting in - I needed some chill out time, and if I go into the hot tub I have to make sure my hair is completely dry, otherwise I wake up all plugged up.

I found another cool site from our Learning 2.0 (27things) class we are taking at work. I am an advocate. Which means, I kind of have a clue about what we're doing, so I get the lessons early, so I can help people who need it. Anyway, the cool site is 43 Things. Like, a giant online LIST. I love lists. I might sign on there.

Well, since I am so bored, and this is going to be a long blog I guess, here is 47 Things about Me.
Yes, List and a quiz both - my favorites.

1. FIRST NAME? Barbra
2. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE? No. Barbra Streisand was still an unknown when my parents named me. They liked the alternate spelling.
3. WHEN DID YOU LAST CRY? Yesterday afternoon, when I opened up the cardboard box that held Magic's ashes.
4. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING? Yes, it is unique. Messy, but unique.
5. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT? Roast Beef, but I mostly eat turkey. Pastrami is a runner up. Good Pastrami.
6. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU? No. I am not good at the friend thing. I like my alone time. I like the idea of friends, just not the rest.
7. DO YOU HAVE A JOURNAL? I have my written journal. I've kept one since I was a kid, off and on, and then from when I was in High School on. Also many blogs.
8. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS? Yep.
9. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP? I wouldn't NOW, too fat. I might if I got skinnier.
10. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL? Rice Crispies.
11. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF? Usually not. Most of my shoes don't have laces (ugly old Birkenstocks...)
12. DO YOU THINK YOU ARE STRONG? Mentally, yes. Physically - parts of me are.
13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM FLAVOR? Vanilla. But really, I like everything but say, banana, or anything with peanuts.
14. SHOE SIZE? 39 or 8 or 7 www
RED OR PINK? Red
16. WHAT IS THE LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF? I am very self-centered, and I am a recovering Drama Queen.
17. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST? My dad. I could talk to him about anything, almost.
18. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO SEND THIS BACK TO YOU? This is a BLOG. That would be very scary.
19. WHAT COLOR PANTS, SHIRT AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING? No Shoes ATM. A grey ribbed cotton tank top, and my Gray cotton puppy print BIG DOG jammie bottoms.
20. LAST THING YOU ATE? Udderly Chocolate Tillamook Ice Cream, and Diet Coke.
21. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW? The jingle of Nemo's dog tags as he walks through the house on the way to the doggie door, and outside. TS is watching his race, so I can hear the cars on the track, and the commentator. But I'm not really listening.
.22. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE? Scarlett
23. FAVORITE SMELL? Summer Rain
24. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE? TS, calling me to tell me he would be late picking me up.
25. THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE YOU ARE ATTRACTED TO? I am not attracted to people like that anymore. But when I WAS - it was the eyes. Were they kind? Hard? The expression in them was important. Also the lips - I like lips that seem kissable, not tight, angry lips. Lips that seem like they would smile easily.
26. DO YOU LIKE THE PERSON you stole THIS from? I don't know her. I just ran across it when I was searching for something else.
27. FAVORITE DRINK? Non-alcoholic - Diet Coke, Coffee, Water, Sprite with pom juice, Coffee, and V8, which I can't drink anymore. And did I mention Coffee??? Alcoholic - wine, Vodka Gimlets, Vodka and OJ.
28. FAVORITE SPORT? Karting, to watch...baseball, maybe. Live.
29. EYE COLOR? Gray, but kind of a dark gray.
30. HAT SIZE? Medium
31. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS? Yes, sometimes.
32. FAVORITE FOOD? Too many. The only things I don't like at all are peanuts and raisins in other food, and pineapple on pizza. Okay, there are some things I would not eat, like horse or dog, or even rabbit (for reasons too lengthy to go into).
33. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS? Both. Depends on the mood. I like scary movies with happy endings. I prefer not to watch movies with sad endings. Real life is sad enough.
34 - there's no 34!
35. SUMMER OR WINTER? Summer! I love the world from May until the end of October...
36. HUGS OR KISSES? Both, please. But only from TS. Not a touchy-feely person.
37. FAVORITE DESSERT? All of them. From fresh fruit to gooey-ooey stuff....
38. WHO IS MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND? Probably nobody, but I don't care.
39. LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND? Well, that would be the same as 38
40. WHAT BOOKS ARE YOU READING? Biography of Nirvana by Everett True (?), and Good Times, Bad Boys by Melanie Murray.
42. WHAT DID YOU WATCH LAST NIGHT ON TV? Ugly Betty, that was Tivo'd. I don't watch live TV much. I hate commercials.
43. FAVORITE SOUNDS? Rain, Stream in the woods, birds singing. Oh, frogs - I love that.
44. ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES? Heh. STONES!!!
45. THE FURTHEST YOU’VE BEEN FROM HOME? New Orleans, I think.
46. WHAT’S YOUR SPECIAL TALENT? Writing, understanding people with accents, figuring things out, and pretending I am a nice person, when I'm not.
47. WHERE WERE YOU BORN? Seattle
48. WHO SENT THIS TO YOU? I lifted it from a blog.

Okay, I guess I am done for the night. This has been a VERY random blog. Usually I have a subject in mind, but tonight I was just rambling.

Hopefully I am done buying "stuff" for awhile. Hopefully all this writing will be cathartic.
Wow. I didn't spell one word wrong, according to my friend Spellchecker. That's got to be a first.

Friday, April 27, 2007

New Blogs

I have just started three new blogs.

I thought it would be fun.

One will be a dog blog. First, I will talk about dogs we have known and loved. Childhood Dogs, and then the dogs we have had as a couple, and then when we get our new puppy, we will blog about her/him. I am planning a daily blog about life with a new puppy. With pictures. And everything.

Then, after I had the bright idea about a dog blog, I thought, why not a cat blog, too? We have had numerous cats. Right now, we are down to one cat - the satanic cat, Tinkerbelle. Still, cats are interesting creatures, and once Tink is gone, we will be getting kittens. (Yes, plural. Because one cat is not enough - but Tinkerbell absolutely adores being the solitary cat in the house. So, until she is gone (which will probably be another 10 years minimum, barring Unforseen Events) no kitties.

Then I thought - Critter Blog!

Even though we are not actively planning on any more critter pets, besides Ernie, Turdie and The Fish, I will probably be adding more fish. And who knows, maybe another critter. I've often wanted a real chameleon. So, something fun to keep me writing.

If you are interested in checking out any of the new blogs, head over to

Not much there at the moment, but keep your eye out.

Thursday, April 26, 2007

Randomess Squared

I have been even more random than usual.
I have been thinking a lot about racism, sexism, and all that other crap.
I just don't get it. Yes, I understand the why - because many people keep themselves separate from people not like them. But the time is past for tolerance of that sort of garbage. I am making a pact with myself to no longer tolerate it. There have been times when I turned a deaf ear because someone was elderly, or a patron, or something else.
I am going to be deaf no longer.
I want those people to know it is not acceptable.
I am going to write letters. Make phone calls. Those are the easy things.

The hard thing is to politely tell an elderly patron that I find it offensive she is making an unacceptable comment about a racial group.
Or the elderly man that I do not care to hear his comments on why women should never be in the army.
I have yet to come up with a good overall strategy for this.
So if anyone has any suggestions, feel free.
I have been thinking a lot about death.
Probably because of Magic.
I don't know if there is a heaven or not. I lean toward the "when we are dead , we are dead" theory. Or, whatever we transform into is not "us" but either becomes part of something larger, or something else entirely. I like the idea of reincarnation. I have theories. But truly, we will not know what happens after we die, until we ourselves are dead.
I know that if heaven doesn't allow pets, I am absolutely not going.
I have been thinking about extra senses.
I think we have them.
I don't know if some people have them more strongly than others. I think nearly everyone has "something" I do think they are leftover from a time when we needed more than just our five senses to survive. I also think that someday what we now view as psychic or extraordinary phenomenon will be explained by science. Why, after all, does tarot work? What about things people have seen that can't be explained? Or felt? Or known? I have personally had all these experiences, and I am a realistic person. Although I have an excellent imagination, I tend to be a sceptic more than a believer. There are some things I have personally experienced that can't be explained away by coincidence.
I have been also thinking about projects.
We have a lot of them this spring. Fix the wet floor in our house. New floors in the utility room. Clean the carpeting. New doors, front and back. Build a fence in the back yard. Clean up the flowerbeds. There is a lot to do this year. I am ready.
I am also thinking of starting a daily blog when we start getting information about our new puppy.
With pictures.
About getting ready for a new dog.
Mistakes we make, and mistakes we made in the past.
Maybe even blog about our other dogs.
It might be fun.
If anyone has any suggestions or comments, feel free.

Sunday, April 22, 2007

Fun Home Projects You can Do......




So, this is what happens when the hot water leaks under the house.






Actually, even more of the floor will have to be cut away and replaced, but we have to live here while everything is drying out. Fun, huh?
Nemo Doesn't think so.
During they day when we're at work we have to put boards over the hole so Nemo can get in and out and walk around. If it was just the living room (right picture) we could just lock him in the utility room - but he has to go in and out through the utility room.
All the insulation will have to be replaced too.
We are just lucky that TS can do all the repairs himself, and not call in someone. But, I get to get rid of the ugly vinyl floor in the utility room.
And a new back door.
So, it's not all bad.
Just a pain in the neck, and the back, and the shoulder for Ken, until it gets done.